It can help us separate past hurts from present hurts, as well as stop us recreating patterns of pain that put us in a position of needing to forgive in the first place. That’s why therapy is so wonderful at helping us forgive.
When really all they did was leave an adult relationship that was no longer serving a positive purpose. Soon enough we think we have to forgive our partner for thinking we aren’t worthy of love. We unconsciously layer the new hurt to the old hurt, until we are facing something too big and overwhelming to forgive and forget.įor example, if our partner leaves us, we can experience feelings of rejection that can pile on top of unresolved experiences of abandonment from childhood. Without realising it we can engage in the ‘snowball affect’. When someone does something that hurts us it can trigger older, deeper pains. The first one is easier to be mad about, but to forgive we have to admit what we really need to let go of.Ģ) You’ve attached your current upset to bigger upsets from the past.
We won’t forgive a sibling for not coming to our party, when really we are secretly furious they insinuated our marriage wouldn’t last.
We can convince ourselves we are mad at someone for one thing, when really we are upset about something entirely different. 1) You aren’t being honest with yourself about the real cause of your hurt. See if one of the reasons below is holding you back from forgiving and forgetting for once and for all. But other times we can’t forgive because we simply have yet to recognise the pattern or the self-deception we are stuck in that is stopping us from letting go.
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